An Understanding
by DeBrabant
Summary: Nick explains to LaCroix why he can't kill people anymore...


Title: An Understanding  
By: DeBrabant  
Summary: Nick tells LaCroix why he gave up killing people  
Disclaimer: I own neither. They belong to James Parriot.  
  
  
  
An Understanding  
by Danii  
  
  
"Leave, LaCroix."  
  
A simple request, which Nick had repeated several times in the last few minutes.  
  
"No, Nicholas."  
  
The answer, which had also been repeated several times for the last few minutes.  
  
Nick sat upon the couch, his master standing on the side, staring at him angrily. There'd been another problem. The younger wasn't sure what he had done to invoke his master's anger, and much to the chagrin of the elder vampire, didn't seem to care. Nick's head rose to look at his master, the man who had attempted, and often succeeded, to control his  
life for the last 800 years. A familiar motion, a familiar plea. A scene that had been played so many times that it had lost it's sting, like watching a movie play over and over, finally realizing that, no matter the original suspense, the end is to be as it was before.  
  
But something was different this time and LaCroix could see it in his son's eyes. It was not the seething rage, the rebellion, which he had always faced in his creation. In those blue gray eyes, LaCroix could see sadness, not guilt, but a deep pity towards, of all people, himself. Lucien LaCroix. Nicholas pitied him, and this confused the master vampire greatly.  
  
"What...troubles you, Nicholas?" The elder vampire asked cautiously.  
  
"That you will never understand..." Again, that pitying gaze focused on him.  
  
"What do you mean?" Answered LaCroix, almost angry at the boy's reply, "I am your father, blood of your blood. I know."  
  
Nicholas rose, keeping his eyes on his master's, then spun and walked away. But not in anger. LaCroix knew it was not in anger. His son slowed and gazed at something only he could see. LaCroix wondered if he was thinking or remembering. The glazed look passed, and the elder heard his creation chuckle softly.  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
LaCroix moved, faster than human eyes could follow, and grabbed Nicholas by the throat. The master vampire could feel the fangs that had extended in his mouth, and saw the soft red haze that told him his eyes had changed. The fury ran through him like fire, making him want to hurt his favorite protégé more than ever before. To think, the boy had the insolence to laugh at him, and say he was ignorant! And the pity! Why would anyone pity him!? He was the most powerful being in the city, one that had lived for 2000 years and would live forever.  
  
LaCroix's rage, however, was lost when he realized that Nicholas wasn't fighting back. On the contrary, his son looked calm, and simply hung in his master's grasp. And that look, that pitying gaze which boggled LaCroix's 2000-year-old mind, that haunting look. He released his son and let him drop to the floor.  
  
"You will never understand."  
  
"Understand what, Nicholas?" His tone, he realized, was a bit petulant and even slightly fearful.  
  
"Why..."  
  
"Why what!?" The same tone. He could not control his voice, and it bothered him.  
  
"Why I do what I do. Why I value life. Why I don't want to be what I am. Why I shun immortality."  
  
"I know," replied LaCroix, glad to be back to a familiar discussion, "It is to redeem your supposed soul."  
  
"Not really..." (That startled LaCroix) "It is a reason, but not the reason."  
  
"Then", replied the elder haughtily, "What is the reason?"  
  
"The reason, LaCroix, the reason, Master, the reason, Father, the reason- is that humanity is the most beautiful thing of all creation."  
  
"Yes, humanity is wonderful in it's way" answered LaCroix, "It is wonderful to savor, to play with. That is all. And I need not remind you, my son, that it is also dark and horrible."  
  
"No. No, it isn't. To be dark and evil is to lose one's humanity, to forget humanity, to believe another human being is a thing, and not flesh and blood. To pretend that a human life is not precious, that feelings aren't important. That is why I feel I have lost my humanity, LaCroix. Not because I have changed in body. That is simple chemistry. I lost my humanity because for so many years I believed that human beings, human beings that create so many wondrous things, like compassion, justice, and mercy, were things. Things to be eaten, to be played with like so many wooden soldiers.  
  
"They are so complex and so simple. So beautiful. The art, the music, the literature. The feelings, the emotions, the virtues. The glorious symphony that they are, that can be savored far more sweetly through love than blood. I ask you, grind up the universe, and show me one molecule of mercy, one atom of compassion. You can't. Because they are created by humans, human beings who create, not destroy. And these,  
whether they are lies or not, are what makes existence possible, what makes it worth the trouble. That is why I cannot be as I am. I can no longer be something that destroys, that kills, that mutilates the beauty of what humanity has made into a nightmare. I cannot feel the need to destroy, to take. I cannot.  
  
"And that is what you cannot understand. You cannot see the simple miracles of birth, of love, of humanity. All you can see is the easy miracles, like changing water to wine with a touch, while you ignore the complex and wonderful glory of changing water, sunlight, and time into the same through a plant. You cannot understand that I am not rejecting  
your gift. I am not rejecting you. I am not rejecting your love, because you know I love you deeply, despite the hurt we have caused one another. I am rejecting what I have become. And I wish you could understand, more than anything else in the world, but you don't..."  
  
LaCroix felt as if he couldn't breath. Every argument, every thought he had, every notion in his head heard the words of his son, and tried to understand. He tried to understand. Sometimes understanding comes gradually, a steady process, and sometimes it comes like a bolt of lightning. And as he felt the tear running down his cheek, he realized what his life had been. What he had really done. All the destruction he had left in his path. The hole that he hadn't even known existed.   
  
Most of all, he realized what he had done to this boy, this man, who had only tried to do what he thought to be right. To his son's surprise, and his own, he knelt down on the floor and wept. He wept for 2000 years of destruction. He wept for 2000 years of lies. And as he wept, he felt a hand touch his shoulder. Eyes filled with tears for the first time in centuries, Lucien LaCroix looked up into the face of his son. His son, who loved him no matter what he did.  
  
"You are more human than any who has ever walked this earth."  
  
Nicholas took the comment without responding, then asked, "You were never allowed to see it, were you, even as a mortal?"  
  
"No."  
  
"But you do now? You finally can see it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Nicholas's eyes filled with tears at this simple answer. "Then I thank you."  
  
"You do love me, don't you?" LaCroix seemed almost afraid. He had done everything in his power to hurt the man, and he was afraid.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then I thank you."  
  
Fin  
  
  
  
Send all feedback to HuffPuff1228@yahoo.com  
  
  
Hoped you liked it. It's been boiling in the stew of my mind for a while, and I finally added the spices and served it up.  
  



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